The Onion: "Americans across the nation confirmed today that, unfortunately, due to
their extreme familiarity with the type of tragedy that occurred in a
Colorado movie theater last night, they sadly know exactly how the
events following the horrific shooting of 12 people will unfold."
The Trumpet: "But why is it that among all the verbiage and the sincere yearning for
some sort of answer, no one can answer the one question we all have: Why did this happen?"
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